Before I got married, me and my good friend H were discussing in-laws. In our view (and in society’s) it is pretty much the norm that alongside the word in-laws is linked bad things.We had both heard loads of stories about couples getting married and not getting on with the in-laws, we both knew friends and family who had had problems with their in laws and wondered what it would be like when it came to our turn. To be honest neither of us or anyone we knew had ever heard of a single story about anyone getting along with their in laws! (hence my changing the name to outlaws…makes more sense!)
She asked me after me and Amir had got engaged what my in-laws were like. From what I had judged of the little I had seen and spoken to them they seemed lovely. Obviously no-one really knows what things will really be like until after the wedding. I tried to imagine what my relationship would be like with my in-laws and I was pretty positive about being able to get along with everybody fairly well. I see myself as quite an easy going, chilled out person (most of the time..) and figured I would work at keeping things good with them. It wasn’t easy when lots of people I knew were determined to try and make me think otherwise. Prior to getting married I had lots of questions about my in laws and in response to me saying they seemed pretty nice I got ‘Ah well…early days yet’ and ‘Ooh…wait till the honeymoon period is over’ along with ‘Hmm I’m sure you’ll have clashes with the mother in law at some point’ which did worry me a little. Was there no such thing as a happy ending in regards to the in laws?
Most people we knew stories about had issues mainly with the mother in law, wives arguing with mother in laws who cause them stress and create problems, mother in laws unhappy about the lack of effort from daughter in laws and feeling excluded from their sons lives and so on. As one writer put it “This tug-of-war between a mother and daughter-in-law is an age-old phenomenon, the stuff of sitcom jokes and Greek tragedy.”
So naturally when I arrived at Amirs house after the wedding I wanted to make an impression but try and be myself at the same time. I was pleasantly suprised how well I got on with everybody and how cool they were around me, No one needed to put on a ‘nice’ act for me, it was what you see is what you get with everyone which was great for me because if it’s one thing I hate its putting on an act and pretending your enjoying yourself or happy to talk to someone when your not.
Its since been around 3 months since we’ve been married and I can happily say I have not had one incident with any of my in laws which allows me to give in to the myth about them. Everyone has been so lovely in helping me settle in and making sure I don’t miss my family too much and when I do? They take me back to spend time with them 🙂 Each one of my in-laws are so nice I feel I should give them credit where its due so thought I would say a little bit about each one. But first about my husband Amir because he helped make it the easiest for me when settling into my new life.
Amir – My husband is just lovely. Obviously some may say thats biased because im married to him and therefore obliged to say it. Believe me he would be the first to tell you I dont easily give out compliments least of all to him! But really he is the most sweetest guy ever. He has been ever so patient with me and done his best to make me comfortable in my new home. He has never let me feel as if i’m alone and does his best to support my crazy emotions. From what I hear of his family about him and from what I see of him as a person, he is caring and kind and gets along with absolutely everybody and does what he can to make people happy. He looks after his family and now mine as if they are his own. Don’t get me wrong he’s not perfect, he is abit dopey at times and suffers from road rage but I’m willing to see past all that because of the amazing man he is.
Mother in law– Well… Amirs mum is just lovely. She is ever so kind and has looked after much of the family whilst they were all growing up. She is patient and soft spoken and EVER so calm. She is easy to talk to and has treated me like the daughter she never had. Since being in her home, we have bonded quite well and she has never made me feel bad about myself or anything I do (even when I make a mess in the kitchen or laze around in my room all day) Her laid back attitude makes me feel that nothing is expected or demanded of me as my role as daughter in law and that whatever I do is right. She is certainly showing me a mother’s love and is feeding me like one too (her food is very good!)
Father in law – Amirs dad is a cool dude, a simple and chilled out man. He is pretty quiet and enjoys technological things, from what i’ve known of him he enjoys fixing broken things and mending gadgets. (He was kind enough to change my tyre rims and also fix my car when I needed it). Although at times he seems quite serious and deep in thought once he opens up he enjoys sharing a joke or two (and they are not bad 😉 ) The thing I love about my father in law is that he never minds what I do or where I go, I am his daughter in his eyes and I can do no wrong (this always works in my advantage when Amir or Saq try and poke fun at me…he won’t have it! hehe)
Brother in law- Where to start on this one! Saq is Amir younger brother and only a few months older than myself. He is almost in some ways the opposite of Amir, where Amir is more serious and abit more sensible Saq is not. He has spent the last few months making me laugh and keeping me entertained. He enjoys doing and saying wacky things and loves making people happy. Saq is definetely my brother in the way he behaves and acts towards me, sometimes making fun of me and sometimes ganging up with me to start on Amir. We treat each other with a mutual level of respect and it works so well. Although Saq is a little doolally at times, he does have a very logical and intellligent side to him (which means you will never win an argument…even if your right!). Like his dad, he too enjoys his gadgets, fixing things and is a little bit of perfectionist. With him and Amir combined they have done a wicked job of looking after me and making me feel part of the family.
The others – Since moving to to my marital home, I have spent alot of time with Amirs cousins Adi, S and F. Adi is a big teddy, like Saq (who is his other half the way they behave) he enjoys his jokes and making people laugh. He loves making people happy and you can imagine the chaos that ensues when these two get together. The pair particularly enjoy their music and act like a walking talking never ending singing duet pulling out lyrics from every song imaginable…quite creative one could say. Cousin S is a lovely girl, like the rest is caring and kind and I think it has been nice getting to know her and her funky ways/style. Coming from a female domimated family to a male one has been different for me and I think cousin S enjoys my company amongst the male madness which is cool, the female companionship has been good for us both. Cousin F like Amir is the more sensible and calm one, although he joins in with the joking around he does so with a coolness. Cousin F has a suave air about him and sometimes comes across as an old style movie star. The sibling relationship between cousin F and S is sweet and one that I can see lots of love and care in. This most likely comes from their mum, Aunty S who is always happy and cheerful never thinking badly of anyone or anything. She is a lady to look upto and a positive role model for us all.
All of these guys have strong family values and they have been clear to me from the moment I came here. and from being welcomed so warmly I have received alot of love from everyone and feel like I belong here. I’m blessed to have been able to find a family that look after me the way my own would, if not more so and wish every girl has that same opportunity.
A few months after I married me and my friend H were sitting at a coffee shop talking and she said “You know Jo…your the first girl i’ve ever heard of that has a happy in-law story”….that made me smile 🙂 xx