Some days things don’t go the way you plan.
I had an interview last week for a teaching post, initially I wasn’t too nervous but anyone who is anyone knows that interviews are one of the most nerve racking experiences known to man. I had to plan and teach a 45 minute lesson followed by an interview. As a teacher I am quite confident in my skills even though I have a lot to learn and could easily and comfortably teach all day. It is harder however when you are being observed and trying to teach a class you don’t know. I taught the lesson to an almost perfect class of children and felt it had gone really well. The interview was the hard part. I hate talking about myself and often find it difficult to know what to say without drifting away from a question being asked of me. I tried my best and left feeling fairly ok with how things had gone. Unfortunately the post went to a teacher with a lot more experience than me. The sad bit was as much as you don’t want to get your hopes up you do and that feeling of rejection and disappointment is a tough emotion to go through.
I put this experience down to practise and as a way of knowing what to expect for next time. It had been a very long time since I last had an interview (almost over 4 years!). I was also ok about it as I had anther interview lined up the following week. This time I didn’t feel as nervous until the actual morning. I again had to teach a 30 minute lesson of my choice followed by a written exercise and then an interview. When I got there I was one of 4 candidates but as there was more than one post I was up against one person. The day was a long one starting with a school tour (which won my heart over) followed by my lesson. Again this went extremely well and I was confident I had done well. At this point I had already gotten my hopes up about wanting to work here as not only was the school so nice, the people were so friendly and as a bonus it was near to my home.
The day consisted of a lot of waiting around, followed by the written test which seemed straightforward and then the interview in which I was called last. I tried my best to include all the bits I had forgotten to mention about my skills and knowledge last time and judging from the reactions of the panel of interviewers they made me feel like was impressing them. After a long and tiring day I went home feeling very positive.
Shortly after I got home I had a phone call and I was sure this meant good news especially as i was being called so soon but again unfortunately I had not got the job. My heart was racing.This time I was really upset, I had geared myself up all day through the nerves and hope that I was good enough to do the job but again it was given to someone with a lot more experience and who had answered some of the interview questions better than me. I was very disappointed.
I wanted the job not only because I felt so positive about it and liked it so much but also because I want to get myself back into routine. I want my own classroom, regular familiar faces and daily routine and organisation. Being home and free is great but boredom can creep up on you and finding things to do or keep yourself active can become harder. I enjoy supplying and am learning lots but it is spaced out and on random days and different places and can be difficult at times.
I moped around for a day or two wondering about what if’s, doubting my ability as a good teacher and whether I would ever find a school I’d like and get a job at. I had a cry here and there and tried to keep to myself to get my anger and frustration out of my system in my own way. Today though I realised maybe it just wasn’t meant for me. I am still a little angry and disheartened at myself for not trying harder but hindsight has a way if making you feel worse. I’m thankful that I’m in a career that is still in demand and that I’m able to have these opportunities to work more easily than some. I don’t quite feel like applying for anymore jobs at the moment in case the same thing happens as the last two interviews, but in time when school teaching vacancies come up towards the summer term I will definitely keep trying. I just hope that the school I find or the one that finds me is one I can stay at for a long time and be happy at and where I can make a difference. For now I guess I will stick to supply teaching and keep my eyes peeled for any nice schools I may visit.
Some days it is just not meant to be…but don’t give up, some day it will be 🙂 x